You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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