Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
