He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
