what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize