My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
