I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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