So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
