Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
