I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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