So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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