I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
