imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
