if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
