im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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