Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
