She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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