i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
