I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
