Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?