About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
