I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".