i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
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We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have feelings that need drinking.
Lo siento on account of my penis...