How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.