Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
