nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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