All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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