I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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