I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize