just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
