Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
