I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
