He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
