tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
