i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
