Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
