Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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