I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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