we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
