Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
