when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
