i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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