Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm jealous of your bromance
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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