this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
NoShamevember. You game?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
