Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
