either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
