He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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