too bad you live with your parents still
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
