she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
