I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
