Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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