I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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