sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
