So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
