I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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