Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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