they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
