he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
