hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Shame is for Republicans.
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