1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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