all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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