He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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