I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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