if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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