By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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