I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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