it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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