She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
