So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
