did you get engaged???
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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