Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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