She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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