you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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